


all colors will agree in the dark

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, One Night Stands, Polyamory, Strangers to Lovers, blood mention, kind of, kind of??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: Ever since he was young, James saw people in terms of colors. Some people were green, some cool shades of blue, others dark purples and stunning reds. Bright yellows and dazzling whites, entrancing blacks and beautiful shades of pink. Everyone seemed to radiate a beautiful color that James loved, but to himself he was just gray.Gray wasn't a pretty color, it couldn't capture the gaze of people passing by on the street. Gray was neutral, dreary, not blinding like white and not possessing any of the sophisticated qualities the color black seemed to bring. Gray was boring, held no emotion, no interest, and James started to think that maybe he was better off that way.





	1. Gray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gray; quiet, logical, restrained, enduring, _detached_

Ever since he was young, James saw people in terms of colors. Some people were green, some cool shades of blue, others dark purples and stunning reds. Bright yellows and dazzling whites, entrancing blacks and beautiful shades of pink. Everyone seemed to radiate a beautiful color that James loved, but to himself he was just gray.  
  
Gray wasn't a pretty color, it couldn't capture the gaze of people passing by on the street. Gray was neutral, dreary, not blinding like white and not possessing any of the sophisticated qualities the color black seemed to bring. Gray was boring, held no emotion, no interest, and James started to think that maybe he was better off that way.  
  
"You are not dull, James," his mother told him, bouncing his youngest sister, Frances, on her hip. She babbled and reached for Eleanor's hair, tugging on it with one chubby fist.  
  
"Yes, I am," he whined, resting his head on the kitchen table.   
  
"Sit up straight, that's unsanitary," she said. "And, no, you're not dull. I don't even know where you got that idea."  
  
"Well, you're all different colors and I'm just gray. You're purple, Frances is pink. Dad is green, William is yellow, Francis is blue. Ambrose, Sarah, and Nelly are all white and black, which is prettier than gray. Lizzie is red and Reuben is the color of the curtains in the living room. Everyone has a cool color except me."  
  
Eleanor set Frances down in her high chair, smiling at her. "What are you talking about, Jemmy?" James frowned. He hated that nickname.  
  
"Nothing, it's stupid. I'm going up to my room." He said, hopping off the bench and running up the stairs.  
  
"Dinner is in an hour!" She called up, but James couldn't hear her over the thought that nobody saw people the way he did.  
  
James didn't talk about it much after that, but he never got over it. He kept seeing people in different hues, fell in love with boys who were bright pink and refused to accept themselves for it. He knew they didn't see it, but sometimes they acted like they did, and now they were just over compensating. He found friends with people who were the color of money and depended on it, got his heart broken by people who were dark purple.  
  
He met Dolley his senior year, and she was the only person he ever knew who changed color. She was bright pink one day and blue the next, green and yellow and red, fluctuating by the hour. Dolley wasn't like everyone else in his life, she understood what James saw despite not experiencing it for herself. She was alive and thriving at all times, and James wanted so badly to love her, but he couldn't, she was strong and beautiful and bright. Dolley was too brilliant and James didn't deserve her.  
  
"I love you," James said to her. It was nearing three in the morning, the warm summer breeze sweeping in through the window Dolley snuck in through, the humidity not coming in with her. The curtains swayed and Dolley smiled, and James thought that this was the best his life could get right now.  
  
"I know, James. I love you too," She responded with the same warmth. She knew what he meant, because she understood him, she always did.  
  
"You're my best friend."  
  
"And you're mine."  
  
"Are you okay? You're kind of gray today, which is rude because that's my thing." She smiled, crawled up from the floor onto the bed next to him.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine, just thinking about college, I guess."  
  
"Two months left to go," he reminded her. She laced their fingers together and stayed silent.  
  
"You're gonna be six hours away. Whose house am I going to sneak into when I'm drunk and hiding from my parents?"  
  
"Who am I going to talk to in the middle of the night like this?" Dolley turned a melancholy yellow now, smile bright in the darkness of his bedroom, but sad behind her eyes.  
  
"You can always call me. And besides, there's thousands of people at Princeton-"  
  
"Almost eight."  
  
"Exactly! Out of almost eight thousand people at Princeton, you're bound to find at least one person there. Maybe not as great as me, but still."  
  
"There's nobody as great as you."  
  
She grinned, kissed his temple. "I know, Jem, I know," she whispered, and that nickname didn't sound so bad in their half asleep state.  
  
They passed out at around five, letting the stress of the future slip away and peaceful dreams take its place.  
  
Princeton was overwhelming, so many people in so many colors passing through his vision it made him sick. It was impossible to focus, the nausea getting to him almost always, everything too loud and too bright and too much. It was a sensory overload just standing there, but he forced himself through it, and after a while it didn't hurt so bad.  
  
James changed from the indifferent gray he'd known his whole life to almost charcoal, slipping deeper and deeper, edging on a dark black abyss he couldn't escape from. He broke down and nobody noticed, not that he expected them to, skipping over the gray aura he seemed to radiate. He acted like everything was okay, laughed on the phone with his family, with Dolley, until he hung up, and then he disappeared back into it.  
  
The day he graduated, everything seemed to settle down. The colors of people he saw were muted, peaceful, none as frantic and shrill as the ones he saw before. A man who was the color of a blueberry gave a speech, and James smiled for the the first time in a long time.  
  
He had plenty of job offers after that from all over, some from across the country, some not even in this country.  
  
"You should take whichever one is closest," his dad said, "stay right here at home like I did." He set his coffee down on the table next to the couch, the glass coaster placed underneath it. His siblings ran around the house above him, but James mostly ignored them.  
  
"James, let Jemmy make whatever decision he thinks is best for him, not the one that's the most convenient."  
  
James smiled. "I actually already accepted a job in New York. I think it's the right choice for me." He paused. "No, I'm certain it's the right choice for me."  
  
His mother made a humming noise. "City or state?"  
  
"City. It's for George Washington's firm. He's from Virginia, I think," James told them. He knew where Washington was from, hoping that his parents would approve of him working for someone from their home state. James didn't understand it. He wasn't one for state pride; he knew the history, he didn't like it.  
  
His mother jumped. "Oh, I know him! He was the man who inherited Hunting Creek, after his brother died."  
  
"I think it's called Mount Vernon now," his father said, sipping from his mug again.  
  
"Well, whatever it's called, I know him. I'm happy you're working there, honey."  
  
His father made an agreeing sound, putting his coffee back and walking over to where he was sitting, clapping his hand on his back. "We're proud of you son."  
  
"Thanks," he laughed. Dolley was coming over soon, and while he loved his parents, he wanted to tell her the news as soon as he could.  
  
Dolley was hazy yellow when she crawled through his window, an unnecessary feat considering they were adults now and she could just knock on the front door. When he told her he was going to New York, she turned an electric blue.  
  
"New York City? Holy shit, Jem, I have to come with you. I don't even care if I don't have a job, I'm coming with you." She tackled him in a hug, squealing and kicking her feet as he laughed so hard he couldn't breathe.  
  
"My apartment has two bedrooms if you want. We could be roomies." The grin he gave her is the most sarcastic one he could muster, while simultaneously being the most genuine one he'd ever felt.  
  
" _Roomies_ , oh my god. Yes, we're completely doing that. We're gonna be so fucking great, James, do you even realize? We're going to change the world." She shook his shoulders before collapsing on his bed, kicking her legs again.  
  
"I'm going to work at a law firm, Doll. That's not necessarily groundbreaking. Remember, I'm just gray. Nothing I do is going to change that."  
  
"Shut up, yes it is. We're going to change the world and you're going to get a boyfriend and be happy and you're not going to be gray ever again for the rest of your life."  
  
"People can't just change color," James argued. Dolley rolled her eyes, but there was no heat in her action.  
  
"I can, though, that's what you said. If i can, why can't you?"  
  
"I don't know, I just can't," he said, lying down next to her.  
  
"Can't or won't?"  
  
They packed up and moved to New York in September, when autumn was just beginning, into a spacious apartment mostly paid for by James and Dolley's parents, to be picked up by them the next time they had to pay rent. It was too big for one person, which only made James happier that Dolley was here with him to share the space.  
  
"What do you want to do now that we're all unpacked?" Dolley asked. Her hair was tied up in an arrangement of clips, pieces sticking out in every direction.  
  
"I want to go to bed. I start work tomorrow,"  he yawned. He got up off of their couch, his hands pressing into the soft cushions.  
  
"Goodnight! Good luck at work tomorrow!" She called as he walked up to his room, smiling when he waved his hand back and then tripped up the stairs. James grumbled, crawling the rest of the way until he was tucked into bed and drifting off.  
  
James spent most of the next morning figuring out how his new shower worked before giving up and spending twenty minutes risking hypothermia under ice cold water. He put on the nicest work clothes he owned, trying to make a good first impression, and ran out the door, flagging down a cab and giving it directions to where he needed to go.  
  
A woman showed him around, telling him where his office would be and where the break room was, other things he'd need to know before starting. James listened with rapt attention, drinking in his surroundings. He never thought that him, gray, dull, boring, him would ever be give this opportunity. He can't fuck this up.  
  
"This is Mr. Washington's office," the woman, Ms. Wayles, told him, gesturing to a closed door. She knocked and opened it, whispered something inside and nodded at his response. She opened the door wider and beckoned him inside.  
  
"Mr. Madison," Washington said, standing to greet him, the navy blue color he radiated comforting. Another man was sitting in the office across the desk from him, but James paid him no attention then.  
  
"Mr. Washington, sir." James shook his hand, grinning in a way he hoped wasn't too much.  
  
"We're glad you decided to join us. This is Alexander Hamilton, you two will be working together on an upcoming case."  
  
James turned to the man sitting in front of the desk, taken aback at the _alarming_ shade of red he was. He was staggering, a blue suit that was too big on him doing nothing to cancel out the scarlet color he was cloaked in.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Hamilton," James stuttered, face heating up at the beat of silence he let pass.  
  
"Hi," Alexander said, smiling. The bright scarlet ebbed into a warm ruby color, but looking into his eyes was like looking into a world set on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he goes to law school at some point in this chapter you really have to work with me here
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


	2. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> red; strong, exciting, courageous, magnetic, _temperamental_

"James, do you think dolphins ever feel homesick?"  
  
Alex turned to him on his swivel chair, twirling a pen in his hand, eyes focused on James' fingers' abrupt stop on his laptop keyboard. His red color was a warm ruby, but he slipped into a mischievous candy color the longer James went without answering.  
  
Working with Alexander was interesting, if James was explaining it lightly. Most of the time, he was a firecracker, an unstoppable force to which there were no immovable objects, who spoke with fire on his tongue and the world at his fingertips to burn as he pleased. He saw no opportunity that was not available to him, took everything he could and built himself up into something almost frightening.  
  
Other times, he was like this, like candy colored red.  
  
"What?" James asked, not looking at him.  
  
"Well, I mean, dolphins swim everywhere, right? Do they remember where they came from? If they do, do you think they ever get homesick ?" He repeated.   
  
James sighed. "Don't you have work to do?"  
  
"Finished it," he shrugged, tossing his pen down onto the table and rearranging his papers. They'd only been working in the conference room for around three hours, and the amount of work they were assigned was set to take around three days. James didn't understand this man at all.  
  
"Right, okay. Let me finish this and then I'll answer your question," he said. Alex smiled, blush red, and turned back to the table, opening up a file folder and rereading what he already completed.  
  
The longer they worked together, the more James warmed up to Alexander and every one of his odd questions. He asked them when they first sat down, right before James would start typing, trying to get him to loosen up before they started working. Alex finished working before him and the questions would start when his assignment ended, entertaining the oddest inquiries he could think of, luring James out of his focus to discuss them. James surrendered almost always, drawn to Alex like a moth to flame  
  
"What color is he?" Dolley asked, legs propped up in James' lap. A bag of pretzels balanced on her chest so that she just had to tip the bag to eat them, which James didn't approve of.  
  
"Red," James answered, typing away at his laptop, trying to finish the work he should've been doing when he was talking about conspiracy theories with Alex earlier.  
  
The pretzel bag rustled. "Mmm, what kind of red?"  
  
"It, uhm, changes sometimes? He was scarlet when I met him, but now his text messages are like a mahogany color. I think he's falling asleep." He checked his phone one more time and saw Alex's last text message sent, which was six exclamation points that emitted dark red. He smiled at texted back the same, turning to see Dolley flip from gold to an alarming cyan, sitting up and letting the pretzel bag fall to the floor, spilling over James' favorite rug.  
  
"He changes, and you're just _now_ telling me? Holy shit, James, I have to meet him! What if he's your future husband? Like, I'm your best friend so you see me change, and he's your future husband so you see him change." She moved quickly to sit on her legs, letting James' laptop almost fall to the floor, hands flailing as she spoke.  
  
"I mean, he doesn't really change, it's just different kinds of red," James replied, reaching out and snatching his laptop mid-air.  
  
"That still counts," she said, lying backwards with her legs under her, scooping pretzels back into the bag. James cringed but didn't say anything.  
  
"And also, he is not my future husband! I don't even have feelings for him like that!" He felt like a teenager trying to make excuses to his mom about a girl in his seventh grade English class.  
  
"Not yet," Dolley groaned as she heaved herself back upwards.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" James, crossing his arms. His phone buzzed at his side but he didn't look.  
  
"You turn pink when you talk about him, and I'm not talkin' about colors the way you see them." She smirked and pinched his cheek, which just made his face burn hotter.  
  
"I'm going to bed," James muttered, rushing off towards the stairs. He got halfway up before Dolley saw his phone sitting on the arm of the couch.  
  
"Oooh, Alex said goodnight!" She squealed. "With two exclamation points! That's so cute, I have to meet him."  
  
"You're not meeting him," James said, snatching his phone from her hands and running up the stairs. Dolley laughed as he went, cackling once he slammed his door shut. He sent a quick goodnight back to Alex, but the dark mahogany feeling in their conversation faded, Alexander probably asleep. He went to follow his example, curling up under his covers and trying not to think about what Dolley said.  
  
"Do you think Washington is bald by choice?" Alex questioned out loud the next evening. He was lying across the top of the table, something that could get him in trouble if it wasn't after hours, cloaked in a rose red, his yellow tie undone and tied around his forehead as a headband.  
  
"I don't know, Alex," James mumbled, trying to work. The questions that could usually draw James from whatever he was doing now just irritated him, but he refused to consider why.  
  
Alex rolled over on his stomach and turned to face him. "Are you alright? You seem a little tense today."  
  
"Maybe if you didn't distract me all the time then I wouldn't be so ' _tense_ ', and I would have any chance of actually getting my fucking work done," he snapped.  
  
Alex flinched, his jaw dropped, but other than that he didn't move. He was frozen in place at James' words, unable to formulate a response, his mouth that never stopped running now petrified. James felt his heart sink as he turned cold burgundy and ran out of the conference room, tears dotting his eyes.  
  
James chased after him, managing to stop Alex from slamming his office door closed seconds before it shut.  
  
"Alex-"  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"I'm _sorry_ ."  
  
"I don't want to hear your apology, James. I really don't care." Burgundy became rosewood and James felt even worse.  
  
"No, listen, please. I didn't mean to snap at you, it was an asshole thing for me to do and I am genuinely sorry." He stepped further into his office, admiring the way it was decorated, but not commenting on it.  
  
The scowl stayed on Alex's face, but maroon of both him and his cheeks betrayed him, and soon the grin that broke out turned him rose again.  
  
"Are we friends?" Alex asked, concerned. James laughed, his own gray fading from charcoal to silver in seconds.  
  
"I'd like to be, if you want. We could go for dinner or something," James suggested.  
  
Alex's eyebrows furrowed. "I said friend, what did you hear?"  
  
James yelped. "Not like that! I meant that I'm starving, and considering I haven't seen you actually eat anything at all today, I was wondering if you wanted to go eat so that we don't, y'know, starve." His face was burning, almost as bad as yesterday when Dolley brought Alex up. This was completely unrelated though, _completely._  
  
Alex beamed at him. "Of course I will, but we're going to Wendy's and you're paying for my Frosty."  
  
"Alright?" He watched as Alex walked past him, stopping just before the door.  
  
"Also, just so you know Mr. Madison," he turned to face James, "you are missing out." He winked and walked down the dark hallway towards the elevator, a smirk that James couldn't see but he knew was there plastered on his face.  
  
James laughed and followed him, but he couldn't help but think as they left the building.  
  
Fuck, what if he was really missing out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!


	3. Fuchsia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuchsia; theatrical, high-energy, vibrant, exciting, _gaudy_

The more time James spent with Alex, the more he grew accustomed to the never ending supply of warmth Alex provided, to the red he radiated in every shade he came in. James was happier being around Alex, didn't slip into charcoal so much, stayed away from the brink of the almost black abyss. Instead he remained in the color of storm clouds on a soft rainy day, the sun shining through but not yet visible. He felt comfortable like this, soothed by the love he felt for Alex even if it wouldn't be returned to him.  
  
"How was your date with Alex?" Dolley asked when he came home one night. She was sitting at their dining table, backlit by the view of the city through the window behind her. He couldn't see her face, but she was a smug chartreuse, her smirk almost gleaming in the dark.  
  
"It wasn't a date," he replied. He wished it was, but he knew it never would be.  
  
"Really? So you just stay out until three in the morning for a casual friend?" The chartreuse got bolder, more concentrated, mocking him.  
  
"Well, no, but this was work," he lied, thinking about how he spent the last six hours watching shitty movies on Alex's couch, buried in blankets and fluffy pillows because _Alex liked to be comfortable_ and _it wasn't a crime_ . James laughed when he said it, but his heart longed for Alex to comfortable in his arms rather than in the nest he created around them. God, this crush was embarrassing.  
  
"Sure. Where's your sweater?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When you left this morning, you had a sweater on."  
  
"I took it off and left it there." Alex's voice, soft and quiet, talking about how soft the navy blue fabric felt when he wore it flashed into his mind, but he didn't let himself think about it. Dolley could practically read his mind, and he wasn't giving her more ammunition.  
  
"Right." She stepped out of the darkness into the lamp light coming from the living room. James stayed where he was, in the darkness of their doorway so she couldn't see his flushed face.  
  
"I'm gonna go to bed now," he mumbled, and Dolley smirked and let him pass. James felt his heart pounding as he stopped just before his bedroom door.  
  
"Alex wants to meet you, by the way," he said, and Dolley went from green to ambulance siren red in the blink of an eye.  
  
"Really?" She screamed.  
  
"Monday at noon!" he called as he walked into his room. "Come to the office by 11:45!" He closed the door to her squealing, falling asleep with a grin on his face.  
  
James woke up the next morning to Dolley banging two pots together at the foot of his bed. Sometimes he really couldn't believe that this was his life.  
  
"I meet your future husband today," she called at the top of her lungs.  
  
"Why do you do this to me?" James groaned, pulling his pillow over his face.  
  
"I'm excited! And did you notice the red pots? Get it, because Alex is, y'know? God, I'm amazing. Anyway, I get to meet Alex today! Wake up, wake up, wake up!" She rattled the pots together for emphasis.  
  
"I'm up, I'm up, I'm up!" He yelled over the noise, praying to God that their neighbors couldn't hear them. He got out of bed, tripping on his comforter as he made his way to the bathroom, fearful but excited for the rest of the day.  
  
That excitement melted to confusion the moment he stepped into the break room. He saw Alex, candy apple red, and James felt his heart melt before seeing the fuchsia monstrosity he was talking to. The man seemed to be aware of his own colors, which was impossible as far as James knew, but his suit matched him perfectly.  
  
Alex spoke animatedly with him, almost bouncing, and the man responded in kind. He was attractive, in an almost obnoxious way, but James didn't acknowledge it beyond a passing glance. Alex became rose again, and James felt almost guilty. He was not jealous, _he wasn't_ .  
  
"Who is that?" he asked Angelica as she passed him. She stopped in front of him, turning to follow his gaze.  
  
She hummed and explained, "Thomas Jefferson. He's been working in France for the past year or so, for a friend of Washington's who has a legal thing over there. Just got back yesterday, wanted to keep working as soon as possible."  
  
"Right," He muttered. He shot a quick grin at her and hoped that that would be the end of their conversation, but Angelica stayed there. Her eyes darted in between James and Alex, then to Thomas, and she made the connection before James could even think of a way to defend himself. He was supposed to be better at this, it was his job after all.  
  
"Oh, I see what this is about. You're scared Jefferson is going to steal Alex from you."  
  
"Could you keep your voice down, please?"  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it. I've known Alex for years, and he and Jefferson never had a good relationship. Then again, Jefferson has been talking to Lafayette, maybe they've had an effect on him," she mutters the last part almost under her breath, but James still hears it. She walks away then, her flamingo pink aura going with her, leaving James to stare at Thomas and try to push down the bitter feeling that made him want to throw up.  
  
"James, you're here!" Alex said, and Thomas looked over at him. James ignored sharp angles of his jaw, the sharp slope of his cheekbones, the way James could almost see right through the shirt he was wearing underneath that _hideous_ jacket. He _barely_ even noticed him at all.  
  
"Good morning, Alex." He smiled despite himself, heart pounding just from one look.  
  
"Hey, have you met Thomas?" he asked, gesturing to him. Thomas just stared at James, eyes wide, switching between him and Alex. Alex stifled a laugh and James didn't understand what was going on anymore.  
  
"When would he have the chance to meet me?" is the first thing Thomas says, looking at Alex with all the fondness one person could physically muster by themself. James felt the jealousy rise up in his throat again, but he choked and pushed it back down.  
  
"It was a rhetorical question, I know he's never met you. I was saying it so he could say no and then it would open up a convenient segue for introductions. I am a genius, Thomas, it's a shame you don't see it."  
  
"How could I see anything past your ego," Thomas muttered, and Alex was the color of fire, but the smile he wore was genuine. James felt like he was intruding on something private, something too soft to be open to him.  
  
" _Anyway_ ," Alex interjected, "this is James Madison. James, this is Thomas Jefferson, the bane of my existence."  Thomas rolled his eyes but there was no heat in it.  
  
"Nice to meet you," James greeted, shaking his hand.  
  
"And you," Thomas responded. His accent was one James was familiar with, one he grew up hearing in the voices of his family members, one he tried for years to be able to mask as expertly as he did. Jefferson seemed to be proud of his accent, which is something James didn't understand.  
  
"I have to get back to work now, so I'll see you both later. James, we're still on for lunch with Dolley, right?"  
  
James nodded. "She's really excited for it."  
  
"So am I! I have it all planned out. We gonna go to that cute little café down the street with the cake pop things you got me addicted to, and then we're gonna spend half of our salary on the double chocolate ones and specifically avoid the ones that taste like raspberries." He walked backwards to the elevator.  
  
James beamed. "Sounds like a plan."  
  
"Great! See you later!" He called, sliding into the elevator and winking as the doors closed in front of him. James knew he wasn't the only one whose face heated up to what seemed like the temperature of the sun, but it didn't stop his cheeks from burning any less.  
  
James didn't see Thomas for the rest of the day, which he was partly grateful for. The only thing he knew they had in common was Alex, and James knew he would expose himself in a heartbeat the second he had the opportunity to talk about him, and he didn't know what Thomas would do with that information.  
  
Alex popped into his office at lunch, still apple red. James felt his own face heat up by impulse.  
  
"I just got a call from Martha W. at the front desk that said Dolley is here," he said. James wanted to die. Of course Dolley would call Alex's office instead of his own, he should have expected something like that from the most dramatic person he's ever known in his life.  
  
"Oh, okay," James saves and clicks out of the document he was working on, getting up from his chair and following Alex down the hallway.  
  
"Do you think she'll like me?" Alex asked on their way down, brown eyes wide as they stared at him.  
  
"Of course! She's been wanting to meet for, like, three weeks, I highly doubt she's going to hate the only other person in the world besides her who I consider my best friend."  
  
Alex choked. "I'm your best friend?" He turned the color of red wine, and James' heart shattered.  
  
"Yeah," he responded, voice cracking halfway through. Alex almost tackled him in a hug, arms wrapping around his waist, pulling back just as the elevator doors opened, wiping at his eyes before he stepped out.  
  
Dolley was leaning over half of the glass shelf on the receptionist's desk, chin rested on the heel of her hand. Her eyes were wide, watching Martha Wayles speak with her undivided attention, smiling from ear to ear. She said something back and Martha laughed, pushing her cat eye glasses further up her nose, pretty blush coloring her face. Dolley laughed too, leaned further across the desk shelf, bathed in the same red-purple she wore the first time she ever kissed a girl at college and called James to yell about it.  
  
"Excuse me, James Madison here, do you remember me?" He asked. Dolley snapped out of it, looked over like she hadn't noticed they were standing there before. Martha slid a piece of paper across the desk and Dolley snuck it into her pocket. James could not believe her.  
  
"Jemmy!" She exclaimed, the looked over. "And you must be Alex!"  
  
"Dolley! It's so nice to be able to finally meet you!" Alex said, shaking her hand.  
  
"You too! James talks about you a lot, it's nice to finally be able to put a name to a face." Dolley pulled him into a hug before turning to leave the building.  
  
James didn't listen to the conversation Dolley and Alex had on the walk to the café, too caught up in the fact that they were actually having a conversation at all. His two best friends. Dolley turned red the longer they walked until her and Alex matched, and James thought it would be cuter if only he could match with them too.  
  
"So, wait, you're telling me that Martha is dating someone?" Dolley questioned, sitting devastated at the patio table outside. Her panini sat untouched in front of her, across from the pile of double chocolate cake pops that Alex called a meal and his frozen lemonade.  
  
"Yeah, but it's not like that. She's dating Angelica Schuyler, who is terrifying, never had a client who wasn't acquitted, could get away with killing a man easily. Anyway, they're super cute, and they're polyamorous, so they're looking to be cute with more people, and I think they just found someone," Alex explained. Dolley leaned back in her chair.  
  
"Oh, so she was asking me out for both of them. Why wouldn't she just tell me that?"  
  
"Martha doesn't really share stuff like that so soon. I don't get it, but I don't have to." Alex smacked James' hand away from one of the cake pop sticks, pushing the plate further away from him. Dolley became chartreuse again.  
  
"Do you at least have a picture of Angelica so I can see how dead I am?" Dolley asked. Alex nodded and took his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through before handing it across the table to her. He took a cake pop and handed it to James, who thanked him and ate it almost whole.  
  
" _Oh my God_ ," she whispered. James moved his chair over to look at the picture, mouth dropping open.  
  
The picture was of Angelica and Alex in a pool large enough to be an ocean. Angelica was standing in waist deep water in a bikini that made Dolley stare, but James was focused on Alex, so happily red it bordered on pink. He was standing shirtless next to her, the difference in their height making the water come up to below his ribcage. James couldn't help but notice Alex's lack of muscles in comparison to Angelica's, all soft and round with curves that could kill him.  
  
"Where are you in this picture?" James asked after he cleared his throat. This was _not_ the time for his mind to wander.  
  
"Angelica's father's house. He lives all the way across the city, but he has a really nice pool and sometimes they invite me to go with them. I think there are some pictures of Martha if you scroll. It's my pool party album so I don't have to worry about you finding anything." James didn't think he could get any cuter.  
  
"Woah, who's this?" Dolley flipped the phone to let Alex see.  
  
"Thomas Jefferson," he answered. James looked over at the photo of Alex's bare legs in front of the camera in a room that definitely wasn't his, Thomas pulling on his swim trunks over his hips. The sated red Alex emitted almost seemed to bleed onto Thomas, blending them together in a way that made James' stomach lurch.  
  
"He's hot," she muttered, flinching when James kicked her under the table, then kicking back just as hard.  
  
"He's a dick," Alex shot back, the tips of his ears flushed red.  
  
"Maybe, but he's a hot dick." She went to the next photo, another one of Thomas, but this time Alex was two seconds away from jumping on him from the diving board, Thomas standing completely unaware about the impending attack.  
  
Alex grimaced at her words. "Gross."  
  
"So, are you and him…?" Dolley passed the phone back to Alex, who snatched it out of her hands. He was blushing fully now. James had to get out of here.  
  
"Complicated." He shook his head. "Something happened around a year ago with me and him, but he was getting shipped off to France, and I wasn't doing that, so we just left things kind of unresolved. I'm not sure anything is going to happen now, considering…" he trailed off, opening and closing his mouth before ultimately shutting it. James made eye contact with him and he turned scarlet, the rose fading from him. Wait, what?  
  
"Right," Dolley said, nodding, nudging James with her chartreuse elbow.  
  
"Right," Alex repeated. "Uhm, well, it's almost one, meaning me and James have to get back soon. It was wonderful meeting you, and I will tell Martha that you know about Angelica."  
  
Dolley grinned. "Perfect. Tell her that I'm open to joining their relationship, though. That part's important." Alex nodded.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Goodbye, Alex! I'll see you at home, James," she got up from the table first, taking her panini with her, kissing James on the forehead before she walked away. James knew she was going to yell about Alex when they got home, and he wasn't sure if he was excited for it or dreading it.  
  
"Bye!" Alex called after her. He put his leftover cake pops in a bag he got from a waitress and left, James following behind him back to the building.  
  
Later, when he was leaving to go home, he passed Thomas' office. The front wall is entirely made of glass, giving James a clear view inside. Expensive decor adorned the office, solid gold bookends with obnoxious paintings hung on the wall. His desk was darkwood, polished, but it looked over a hundred years old. It probably cost him a fortune, which by the looks of it was not a lot to him. Small metal figurines littered his desk top, a small Eiffel Tower right next to his hand.  
  
Next to the Eiffel Tower was a double chocolate cake pop on a paper plate, a heart drawn next to Alex's name on the brim of it. James didn't think that should hurt as much as it did.


	4. Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> orange; happy, sunset, spontaneous, communicative, _self-indulgent_

 

Alexander loved many things in his life. He loved his job, his friends, his apartment that was on just the right side of cozy with central air conditioning. He loved frozen lemonade and double chocolate cake pops and spending time with James after work. Soft blankets and sweaters and coconut scented shampoo and conditioner. He loved scrunchies and fettuccine alfredo and throw pillows and he loved James and he loved Thomas.   
  
Thomas was sharp angles and secrets, kept his feelings close to his heart and kept it guarded for fear of an exposed weakness. He didn't admit things easily, so the fact that Alex ever even got the chance he had with him meant something. Thomas was soft and lied about it, but it was obvious sometimes, when Alex would compliment him and he'd blush pink, when he touched Alex with gentle hands even when they argued.    
  
"You're going to France next month," Alex whispered, head rested on Thomas' chest, arms wrapped around his torso.    
  
It was the middle of summer at Angelica's father's house, in a guest room where nobody would find them. Alex was getting a drink in the kitchen when Thomas walked in, offered no explanation before pressing Alexander against the counter island and kissing him like his life depended on it. Twenty minutes later, that was what Alexander said first.   
  
"I know," Thomas said. He ran his hand through Alex's hair, making him hum happily.    
  
"What do we do now? Am I supposed to just let you go? Pretend this never happened and try and move on?"    
  
Thomas didn't answer right away. "I don't when I'll be back. It could be a few months, it could be years. You don't deserve that. I'm not going to make you wait for me."   
  
Alexander knew what Thomas was doing, trying to sever ties now so it didn't hurt him later. If he could go back, he would've argued. He would've  _ chosen Thomas _ anyway, no matter what happened, but he knew what Thomas was doing, and he followed in his influence.    
  
"I understand. I'm not going to forget about you, though."    
  
"And I don't think I'd be able to forget about you if I tried."    
  
A moment of silence passed, and then Thomas got up. Alex shivered at the loss of heat, watched as he searched for where he threw his clothes. He took a picture once he got them on, for no other reason than to remember that what happened between them was real, not just something he dreamed up one night.    
  
When Alex met James, nothing else in the world mattered at that moment except his dazzling smile, lips stretching over pearly white teeth with dark brown eyes bright enough to tug at Alex's heartstrings in all the right ways. He was stunning, at that was just at first glance. The more Alexander got to know James, the kinder he seemed, and Alex fell in love with him in record time.    
  
Alex could never admit his feelings for James. They were best friends, the only one Alex had, and he couldn't risk losing him. He loved him unconditionally, on his worst days when he showed up at his apartment, tears in his eyes, and Alex took him in and hugged him when he wanted it, made sure he was safe before he left. He wanted to spend the rest of his life caring for James, hoped their friendship was enough to ensure it.   
  
The sun was setting in front of him, coloring Alex's living room in bright oranges and yellows, shining in his eyes through his open curtains. He lay on his couch, buried underneath piles of blankets, contemplating going outside, when there was a knock at the door. He groaned, heaving the covers of off him, his fuzzy socks sliding across the wood floor as he went to see who was there.    
  
"Thomas? What are you doing here?" He asked. He felt very exposed suddenly, in the sweater, James' sweater, that went down to his mid thigh, the shorts he had on underneath hidden.    
  
"I, uhm, was in the neighborhood? I thought I'd stop by," he explained, and Alexander stared at him.    
  
Thomas lived in a penthouse apartment all the way across the city. It was within walking distance of all of his favorite shops and restaurants, even that farmer's market he bought everything from was only a short walk away. All of his friends lived in that neighborhood or a more expensive one nearby. There's no way he would ever even come to this street for anything other than Alexander, which put thoughts in Alex's head that he should've given up on long ago.    
  
"Okay," he mumbled, blushing.    
  
"I can go if you want me to, I know this was kind of sudden." Thomas moved to leave, but Alex stopped him.    
  
"No! No, it's fine. You can come in, if you want." Alex stepped aside and let him pass, face burning even hotter when Thomas grinned at him. It sent his heart racing, and he cursed himself for it.    
  
"I like your apartment," he remarked. Alex rolled his eyes but it was fond, he just hoped Thomas didn't notice.    
  
"Thank you. Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just wanted to see what you were doing, I guess." He slid his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet.   
  
"I was just gonna go outside if you wanted to come," Alex said.    
  
"I would love to."    
  
The sky was all orange now, with the exception of a few streaks of pink cutting it into even slices, the sun almost disappearing behind the skyscraper that the balcony faced.    
  
"Do you do this often?" Thomas questioned. He took a sip from the glass of water Alexander offered him before the went out, setting it down on the patio table next to him.    
  
Alex opened one eye and glanced over before shutting it again and turning away. "Sometimes. Sometimes me and James will get take out and watch the sun go down, but it's not often. It's nice to be out here with someone else, though," Alex remarked. He shut his eyes tighter, tried to pretend like this wasn't killing him, failed.   
  
"So, are you and James dating?" He asked, and Alex choked.    
  
"No, we're just friends. Best friends. Friends."    
  
Thomas hesitated. "Oh, okay. That makes what I came here for a lot easier then," he mumbled to himself.    
  
"You came here for something? I thought you were just in the neighborhood." Alex turned toward him now, resting his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.    
  
"I, uhm," he stuttered.   
  
"It's fine, Thomas, I know you weren't anywhere near here before you came up."    
  
"I came to see you, yeah. Angelica gave me the directions, and I thought that coming here would make what I wanted to tell you easier, because then it would be more personal, but facing you makes it one of the hardest things I've ever done."    
  
"Thomas,  are you okay? " Alex asked again,   
  
"I've been thinking about you every day since that afternoon at Angelica's house," he admitted, eyes closed. "Every single day. Before I went to France, when I was there, after I came home. You are a constant thought on my mind, and no matter what I do I  _ can't  _ get you out of my head."    
  
"Thomas, I-"   
  
"And I know! I know you have James now, and even if you aren't dating him there's something there, but I have to tell you. It's killing me, Alexander, and I had to let you know that. I'm sorry. I won't talk to you anymore if you don't want me to, I just had to tell you. Sorry, again." He wiped the tears from his still closed eyes and turned to walk away.    
  
"Thomas!" Alex yelled, scrambling out of his chair and catching him by the wrist before he could go back inside, before he could leave.    
  
"I'm so sorry," he repeated, more tears slipping down his cheeks.    
  
"You don't have to be. James is important to me, and I do love him, but I love you too. I love you both equally, in an embarrassing and painful amount. I should never have let you go before you went to France, I should've tried to keep you." Alex took Thomas' face in his hands, made him lean down so he could rest his forehead on his.    
  
Thomas shook his head. "I didn't give you a choice. I just assumed that you wouldn't've wanted to be with me. I should've never given you up, I should have let you choose."    
  
Alexander shh'd him. "I agreed with what you said. I didn't want to, but I didn't tell you that. I should've told you that. This is not all your fault, and it doesn't matter now because I still choose you, if you'll have me." Sobs racked through Thomas' body, his hand coming up to cover Alex's hand where it stayed on his cheek.    
  
"Of course I would. Of course," he laughed, eyes open finally. "I would," he repeated. Alexander stood on the tips of his toes to kiss his forehead, hugging Thomas once he was on his feet again. Thomas wrapped his arms around Alex's shoulders and swayed them back and forth.    
  
"I love you," Alex mumbled into the fabric of his shirt, squeezing him tighter.    
  
Thomas kissed the top of his head. "I love you too." __  
  
"Can you stay here, just for the night? I don't want to be alone now that I have you," Alex said, kissing Thomas' sternum, where his face was still buried in his chest.    
  
"Do I have to wear pants?"    
  
"I'm barely wearing pants, love, they're definitely not required."    
  
Thomas hummed. "I like it when you call me love."    
  
"I like getting to call you love," Alex looked up at him, astounded that this is how his night turned out. He loved Thomas so much, and now he was standing on the balcony with him, having confessed his love for him and getting what he's wanted for a year now.    
  
"Can I kiss you?" Thomas asked him.    
  
Alex swallowed, eyes widening. "Of course."    
  
Thomas tasted like chocolate when he kissed him, his hands coming to his waist, Alex going back to holding his face. He wanted to kiss Thomas forever, until the end of time, until the sun set and rose again a million times over. All of his feelings from last year, even if they were never truly gone, resurfaced again in full force. He loved Thomas more than almost anything else in the world, wanted to keep him more than the breath in his lungs.    
  
The tangerines and salmons that the colored the sky faded to black, but they stayed out there, kissing, until goosebumps rose on Alex's skin. Thomas suggested they go inside so he could kiss Alex without worrying about him freezing, and they collapsed on his feather bed mattress together. Alex reached for him immediately, sought him out before he did anything else. Thomas hovered over him, one hand rested next to his head as he kissed him.    
  
"I love you," Thomas whispered, and Alexander smiled as bright as the sun.    
  
"I love you too," he said, kissed him again.    
  
Alexander still loved James, but Thomas was right here in front of him, falling asleep as it got later. He was gorgeous, he loved him back, and Alex supposed that maybe this was okay, as long as he had Thomas.    
  
He was so lucky to have Thomas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *elmo rise picture*
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


	5. Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yellow; awareness, surprise, happiness, enlightening, _cowardice_

James noticed something different the second they walked in the office. They looked like they did in that photo, the one Alex had in his pool party photo album, the bright fuchsia and sated red mixed together like a lava lamp. This time, though, it lacked the cold feeling James got from it the first time. Now it was pure warmth, soft down to the very core, and it made James' heart sink to the floor like an anchor.  
  
He was an idiot. He should've said something. He should've told Alexander how much he loved him, how being with him was like coming home, how meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to him. He should have given in to the fire that Alex burned, the burning pain that was loving him without caring if he loved him back. He should've gotten over his selfish fears and admitted that Alex's voice felt like summer and his smile was like watching a sunset with someone he loved, that when he touched James he saw fireworks go off and he saw stars when he looked into his eyes. He should've told him that.   
  
Instead, he didn't say any of those things, and now Alex was colored fuchsia and James slipped into the color of shadows.

"Are you alright, James?" Angelica asked. The flamingo pink was brighter today, bolder, and James knew it was because Dolley went on a date with her and Martha last night. Dolley came home cloaked in rose, a color he'd only ever seen on Alex, talking about how lovely the two of them were in such romantic terms it sounded like prose poetry.   
  
"You sound like you're in love," James remarked. She giggled, probably wine drunk, reached her hand up to play with his hair.   
  
"I think I am," she whispered, lopsided smile plastered on her face. Alex sent him a text message, that same sated color, but James thought nothing of it then. Sometimes Alex just turned that color when he sent him text messages, it wasn't anything until that night. James replied and then sighed, running his fingers through Dolley's hair like she was doing to him.   
  
"That's nice."   
  
"Alex loves you back, James, I'm sure of it."   
  
"You're drunk. You're not sure of anything."   
  
She hummed. "Not true. I know I love you, and that I want to go on a thousand and one more dates with Angelica and Martha. I know that I look stunning in this dress and that if I wasn't so drunk I would not have come home tonight in favor of other things. I know that I have another job interview tomorrow afternoon and I know that Alex loves you back. I'm sure of all of those things."   
  
James kissed her forehead. "Sleep."   
  
"Fine," she groaned. "Goodnight, Jemmy, love you."   
  
"I love you too," he muttered. He turned the light off after she walked down the hallway and turned up the stairs to his room.   
  
"I'm fine," he lied, snapping back to reality, and Angelica caught on. He hated when she caught on.   
  
"You're thinking about Alex and Thomas, right? Yeah, I know. Thomas told Lafayette and Lafayette told John who told my sister who told me. I'm really sorry, James. Dolley told me about how in love you were with Alex. I didn't know how serious it was."   
  
James sighed. "Of course she did. That's fine, it doesn't matter now anyway."   
  
"Of course it does! Alex is like me and Martha, he's poly as fuck. Him dating Thomas doesn't stop the fact that he could have feelings for you," Angelica explained.   
  
"Please don't get my hope up. Please." Angelica nodded and stood up, walked out of the break room just as Alex noticed him.   
  
"Good morning, James," Alex greeted, and this time he kissed him on the forehead. It was the only chance where he got to be taller, standing next to the chair James was slumping in. He reveled in it, and James thought it was cute. Alex was always cute.   
  
"Good morning, Alex." He took a sip from his mug and tried to ignore the lasting feeling of Alex's lips on his skin.   
  
"Alex," Thomas said. He gestured to the door and Alex nodded.   
  
"I'll see you for lunch," Alex told him. He watched him walk away until he was out of hearing distance, and then he all but tackled a chair trying to sit down on it.   
  
"I have news," he announced, voice much louder than it needed to be.   
  
"I'm already so scared."   
  
"No, don't be, it's cute news. I wanted to tell you first because you're my best friend and I love you, and what I have to say is really important to me and I want you to tell me if I'm crazy with how hardcore my emotions are right now."   
  
James smiled. "You're babbling."   
  
"I know, that's how important it is! Okay so, on Friday night, Thomas came to my house, right?"   
  
"Right."   
  
"And basically, he told me how he's been thinking about me since before he left for France and how he never wanted to let me go and I love him so much, James, more than anything else in the world, and I think I'm going to explode from it."    
  
"I-"   
  
"Then I said how I never wanted to let him go either, and we made out on my balcony for like two hours, which was amazing, and then I fell asleep next to him and he's so warm and soft and I think I'm dying." He fell back in his chair, hand clutched over his heart.   
  
"I'm happy for you, Alex." James watched as Alex turned almost blood red, cold. He didn't understand, isn't this what Alex wanted? What else was he supposed to do?   
  
"I'm so happy, James. I have Thomas, you, a wonderful job that I love, an apartment that's actually nice. I have money! My life is perfect." He sounded happy as he spoke, but he remained blood red, and James saw right through him. The only problem was he didn't know what he was supposed to be looking for.   
  
"I'm glad I can be included in your perfect life," James whispered. He hoped he could keep being included in Alex's perfect life.   
  
"Of course you're included," Alex said, eyebrows furrowing in the cute way they did. "You're my best friend, I love you more than anything else in the world." Alex blushed and looked away.   
  
James wanted to point out that he just said that about Thomas, and he wanted to be an asshole and say how he couldn't love two people more than anything because they'd just cancel each other out, but he didn't. Maybe Angelica was right, and maybe Alex did love him as much as he loved Thomas, but they still sat there, millions of words that they could say but won't hanging between them.   
  
"I love you too," is what James settled on, and Alex slipped into rose again. James felt happier that he managed to do that, but it didn't last long as he moved to get up.   
  
"I have to go, actually," he checked his watch, "do paperwork so that I can meet up with Thomas for lunch. I'll see you, James." He offered a sad smile and walked out of the room, leaving James in the break room alone.   
  
It's not that James didn't want Alex to be happy, he did. He just wanted Alex to be happy _with him_ . It didn't make him hate Thomas, because who would he be to hate someone his best friend was in love with, but it made him envy Thomas. Envy the part of Alex he probably didn't get to see, to be able to look at him with nothing short of pure love and have it returned to him in full.   
  
He sat there for ten minutes before he went to his office. If anyone commented on the way it looked like he'd been crying, he'd deny it. He'd be lying, but he didn't care.  
  
James wasn't an idiot, he understood that now. He was a coward. He had so many things he could've told Alex, but he was always too afraid to say any of them, and now he had to accept that he might never get to say anything at all.   
  
Even if Alex loved him back, he didn't deserve to have a coward as a boyfriend. Alex deserved everything perfect in the world, and James was far from that.   
  
He would never be anything even _close_ to that, and that was just something he had to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is Bad and i'm Yelling


	6. Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> green; safety, reassurance, up-scale, reliable, _money_

Getting over Alex, it seemed, was an easier task said than done. Alex was a forest fire and James was the charred charcoal mess left behind, destroyed with no regard. He didn't blame Alex for not loving him, it was his own fault, but it hurt. He wished he could just go to sleep, wake up and have all of the feelings he harbored for Alex disappear. It didn't work like that, though, so he spent thirty minutes in the shower wondering what it would be like if Alex was there with him.   
  
He shouldn't be thinking about that, he tried to tell himself. Alex was with Thomas, and he loved him more than anything in the world. They had each other, and James was just the obstacle in their way, stopping them from being happy.  
  
Thoughts of Alex turned into Thomas _and_ Alex and James choked. He couldn't, he couldn't do that. That wasn't something that was an option. _Polyamory_ , he reminded himself, but it wasn't like that. Thomas was Alex's, and James didn't love him like he loved Alex, but his heart and mind both betrayed him, and the more images of Thomas that popped in his mind, the faster his heart raced.  
  
"Are you okay, James?" Dolley asked. "You look kind of, disturbed, for lack of a better word." She handed him a mug of coffee which James took with his still wet hands. He washed them over and over, as compensation for not being able to wash the thoughts from his memories.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay? You have that big thing today," James reminded her, although there was no reason to. She was a cool navy, confidence in her movements and professionalism right down to her sleek black stilettos.  
  
"I'm nervous, but it's nothing I can't handle. You, on the other hand, look like you can't even handle breathing."  
  
"I said I was fine."  
  
"Doesn't mean you meant it, Jem. You spent like three years in the shower, I thought you _died_."  
  
"Well, I didn't, so that's good. I promise I'm okay though, I was just thinking about stuff, that's why it took so long."  
  
Dolley squinted. "Thinking about what?" She asked, turning chartreuse. Fuck.  
  
"Nothing. I have to go now, bye Dolley!" He called, jogging to the front door. Dolley gasped.  
  
"James Madison!" Dolley screamed, but James was already in the hallway, face flushed.  
  
He skipped going to the break room to see Alex first thing in the morning, not being able to face him after this morning. He felt like anyone who looked at him could guess, and if Alex guessed correctly, James was sure that he would burst into flames just to avoid the confrontation.  
  
"You've gotta calm down," he whispered to his reflection on the blank computer screen.  
  
He spent the morning procrastinating paperwork, going through his emails instead. There were some from Alex, letters talking about how his day was going, lists of stupid questions that he couldn't ask James in person anymore because they'd finish their project and didn't work together much. The most recent email was an update about a meeting he was in.  
  
_This man just commended me for taking notes so diligently. Little does he know, I've been writing a letter to God asking him why he thinks I deserve this for the past twenty minutes. I can see my own reflection in his bald spot. Save me. - Alex <3 _  
  
James laughed and starred it, moving on to other emails from companies trying to sell him things, one from his mom asking if he had a boyfriend yet, which he stared at for a full three minutes until he was interrupted.  
  
"James!" Alex exclaimed, strolling into his office. James clicked out of the email, only to look up and find that he'd never been gayer.  
  
Alex's hair was pulled back, letting the light of his office highlight his cheekbones and make him look downright angelic, which at this point was just unfair. The suit he wore was made of shiny indigo fabric, expensive as hell by the looks of it. It fit snug to every curve of his body, and James tried to act like he wasn't staring. There's no way he bought that suit for no reason, and whether it was to kill him, or Thomas, or because he wanted anyone he came in contact with to suddenly have a heart attack, James didn't know. He didn't care.  
  
Maybe Thomas bought the suit for him, James realized. It didn't seem like the type of thing he would let Thomas do, but James didn't know much of what happened between them. All he really knew about their relationship was that it existed, and that they loved each other a fuckton. He wasn't sure where they stood on gifts, especially not stuff like fancy suits. He wished that being detached from Alex's life more than he was at one point was a positive thing.  
  
"Hello, Alex," He said slowly, careful to keep his voice steady.  
  
"You didn't come by the break room this morning, I wasn't sure if you were here. Now that I know you are, I wanted to ask you to come to lunch with me and Thomas," he invited, picking at his fingernails.  
  
"I? Wouldn't you two want to be alone for a lunch thing?" He asked. Alex swallowed.  
  
"Uhm, sure, but you're my best friend, and Thomas wants to get to know you better, so we just thought you'd want to come? It's fine if you don't want to, though."  
  
He looked scared, leg bouncing, still picking at his fingernails, shrill red covering him. It made James almost want to say yes, but he was selfish, knew he wouldn't be able to handle seeing him and Thomas be a couple when he was sitting right in front of them.  
  
"I wouldn't want to be a third wheel."  
  
"You wouldn't be!" He cleared his throat. "You wouldn't be a third wheel. I love you, and I want you with us. I feel like you've been shutting me out, and I don't know what I did, just that I don't want to be distant from you. You're the only best friend I have." He wiped tears out of his eyes, melting into burgundy.  
  
"Alex-"  
  
"I don't know if I did something, or if it's Thomas, or if me _and_ Thomas did something to make you feel like you're not welcome in my life anymore. If anything happened, I thought you would tell me about it and we could talk, but you haven't said anything." He was sobbing now. James could almost feel his own heart break.  
  
"No, you and Thomas didn't do anything wrong. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. You're my best friend, I'm sorry I've been so distant lately, it's not your fault."  
  
Alex's phone beeped. "I have to go," he sniffed, turning and escaping his office, almost running down the hallway.  
  
Fuck.  
  
James didn't pay attention for the rest of the day, instead sitting in his office, wondering what he was going to do about Alex. He couldn't lie to him, but he also wouldn't be able to bring himself to tell the truth. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, with only one way out. He had to get over it, had to tell Alex how he felt as soon as he could before his false confidence faded.  
  
**_james!! <3_** _: I'm sorry about lunch._ _  
__  
_**_james!! <3_** _: Dolley has a date tonight, you could come over and watch stupid movies later if you wanted_ _  
__  
_**_alex!! <3_** _: I'm not mad abt lunch james I promise you don't need to apologize to me_ _  
__  
_**_alex!! <3_** _: and also I would love to but I can't, Thomas is taking me to this dinner party thing and !! I'm probably not going to be home until tomorrow morning ;^)))))_ _  
__  
_ James sighed, setting his phone down on his desk. He wanted to believe that Alex wasn't upset with him, but he saw Alex turn burgundy, and he got the same color from his text messages now. He wanted everything to be better between them, wished he never fell in love with Alex in the first place, but he couldn't have it both ways. He couldn't love Alex and be loved by him in return while not loving him at all. It didn't work that way.  
  
**_james!! <3_** _: That's fine!! have fun_ _  
__  
_**_alex!! <3_** _: oh I will_ _  
__  
_ James felt his stomach twist.  
  
Alex sped past his office a half an hour later, coat flapping behind him. James wanted to yell down the hallway and ask why, but then Thomas appeared in the doorway, and James didn't want to move.  
  
"Hello, James," Thomas greeted. He set down a box on James' desk and explained, "Alex wanted to give you this. He would've brought it here himself but he has a meeting and we were already running late. It's a slice of chocolate cake, I think. The same kind they use for those cake pops he loves."  
  
"Right, thanks," James said. Thomas stared at him, eyebrows furrowed. His mouth worked around syllables he didn't say, and he left without saying a word.  
  
Friday nights usually meant going to his apartment with Alex, trying to teach him to use chopstick and destroying him at chess. It meant only the best Disney movies until three in the morning, matching socks that bordered on too cheesy, and Alex stealing his sweaters. It meant take out and listening to Alex's hour long rant on why scrunchies were the _best possible choice_ for casual hair ties and not being able to sleep because of how much his heart ached at the love he felt for him.  
  
Then Thomas came back, James couldn't stop being a little bitch, and they grew apart. Now, he drove home alone, thinking about Alex's text messages and trying to keep the image of Thomas' lips on Alexander's skin out of his head. He needed to take another shower.  
  
"Do I look great, or do I look great?" Dolley yelled as she twirled out of the hall.  
  
James laughed. "How have you not killed them yet?"  
  
"Oh, I have. Remember that silk dress I wore last week? Angelica had to get up and leave the room because I gave her heart palpitations."  
  
"Shouldn't you be worried about that?"  
  
"Maybe, but I got what I deserved later." She wiggled her eyebrows and winked.  
  
"You're disgusting," James said, and she nodded.  
  
"I'm going now, bye James! Love you!"  
  
"Love you too!"  
  
He waited until the door slammed shut before burrowing underneath the blankets he stole from his room, leaving enough space so that just his head showed. Matilda played on tv, and he fell asleep to the sound of Danny Devito screaming.  
  
James woke up to Mrs. Doubtfire and someone pounding on his front door. Maybe it was Dolley? She's lost her key before, but usually she just picked the lock because James slept like the dead and she knew she'd be out there all night if she kept trying. It stopped as he got up, but he still went to open it.  
  
It was Alex, pacing. His hair was down now, an emerald green suit replacing the navy one, just as well made, making him look just as gorgeous as he always was. Tears streaked down his face, arms crossed tight over his chest. He was a mix of colors, burgundy and shrill red, the burning scarlet he was when they first met.  
  
"Alex?" James asked, and his head shot up.  
  
"James."  
  
"What's wrong? Are you okay? What happened to you?"  
  
"I'm an idiot," he choked, more tears pouring down his face.  
  
"No," James said, "No you're not. Come in please so you don't freeze out here." Alex nodded and walked past him.  
  
"Thank you, James."  
  
"What happened? I mean, you don't have to tell me. I could go upstairs and get that donut sweater that you're obsessed with and we could just go to bed. I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me."  
  
"No, it's fine. I just-" he sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I should've known. Me and Thomas are different fucking people with different lives. I should've _known_ that I would never fit in where he is. I'm so stupid, James!"  
  
"You are _not_ ," James insisted.  
  
"He took me to that dinner party, and I was already super uncomfortable because all of his friends are rich assholes who already think less of me by the time I walk in the room, but it got _worse_. One of them, I don't even remember his name, said some _disgusting_ joke about me offhandedly and they all laughed and Thomas just sat there and did nothing?"  
  
"Oh my god, I'm so-"  
  
"And I wanted to say something back but I was so fucking shocked that by the time I figured out how to talk again, they'd moved on. Then they kept doing it! They had all these weird implicative comments about how I got my job and why I was dating Thomas, they basically called me a gold digger right to my face," he yelled. "Which, by the way, is a disgusting phrase and not one I ever want to repeat."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Then they asked me where I got this suit, and I said Hercules. Do you remember him?"  
  
"He made me a pair of mittens for the winter and I loved them so much I gave him three hundred dollars, yes I remember him."  
  
"Right! They glared at me when I said it, because apparently not going bankrupt and supporting people who actually do their own fucking work is such a sin. They did things like that the entire night! Thomas even fucking laughed at one of the jokes! I'm such an idiot, why would I date him? Why would I fucking do that to myself?"  
  
"Can I hug you?"  
  
"Please," he whispered. James pulled him into his arms, swaying them back and forth. Alex hugged around his torso, shuddering as he breathed. James wanted to keep Alex in his arms forever, protect him from anyone and anything who might try to hurt him.  
  
Alex sniffed. "Are you watching Mrs. Doubtfire?"  
  
"You missed the first half."  
  
"That's fine. Can I change out of this suit and we can watch the rest of it?"  
  
"Yeah, sure." He kissed the top of Alex's head and led him up the stairs.  
  
"Where are all of the shorts I keep here?" Alex asked, sifting through James' pajama pants.  
  
"Second drawer from the bottom," James replied, handing Alex the scrunchie he left there last time that James forgot to give back. It was almost like they lived together, with how much of Alex' stuff was here. Now was not the time, he reminded himself. Alex was his best friend, who just got his heart broken, it would be selfish of him to think about that when there were other things to do.  
  
Once Alex was dressed, in shorts with little cats on them and a soft red sweater, he sat on James' bed. He was still burgundy and scarlet, but it was softer now, rose peeking out around his edges. James turned from him, pulling his own shirt over his head and searching to find a sweater that Alex hadn't stolen.  
  
"What?" James asked when he turned around. Alex was staring at him, hints of crimson among all the others. He worried his lip between his teeth and James thought he was going to die.  
  
He blinked up at him."Nothing. Do you still have mint chocolate chip ice cream?"  
  
"You're the only one who eats it," James told him, pulling his sweater on over his head, the soft gray material warming him.  
  
"Yay!" He grinned, running out of James' room.  
  
The last half of Mrs. Doubtfire was a blur, Alex lying against his chest, eating his ice cream in silence. James wrapped his arms around his waist and he hummed, leaning further back on him. He turned rose, burgundy almost gone, and James was glad he made Alexander forget for a while.  
  
Alex set his bowl on the table and turned to him. "Can we go to bed?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
As Alex fell asleep next to him in bed, peace finally covering his features, James decided he was going to kill Thomas.  
  
Monday came and James woke up at five in the morning to Alex getting out of bed. He'd slept there all weekend, enjoying the company that James was all too happy to provide.  
  
He reached out and grabbed his arm. "Come back here. We have three more hours."  
  
Alex kissed his forehead, just as into the domesticity as James was. "You need to take me home so I can get work clothes."  
  
"Now?" He whined, rolling over.  
  
"I'll buy you coffee for the next week," Alex offered, and James was out of bed before Alex could blink.  
  
Thomas came into his office first thing in the morning, hair half out of the bun he put it in, shirt buttoned wrong, tie hanging untied around his neck. James was angry enough that he wanted to punch him, but not brave enough to get up and do it.  
  
"What do you want, Thomas?" is what he settled on asking. Thomas stuttered. "You have ten seconds before I kick you out of my office."  
  
"It wasn't how it sounds!" He claimed. James clenched his jaw.  
  
"So you didn't take him to a fancy dinner party, in a suit you knew would get him torn apart, and then watch as all of your stuck up friends tore him limb from limb, without saying a word?"  
  
"I-"  
  
"Did you not just sit there while they made underhanded jokes about him to his face, then _laugh_ while the supposed 'love of your life' sat there and broke in front of you. Did that not happen? Did Alex come to my apartment sobbing because _it wasn't how it sounded_?"  
  
Thomas sighed, tears in his eyes. "Yes, it happened. I tried to apologize to him but he wouldn't answer the phone. I went to his apartment right after he left and waited all night for him to come home but he didn't. I slept there, actually, on the floor outside. I was hoping you'd-"  
  
"Me? You think I'm actually going to do something to help you after this? Did you not understand what I said? You broke the heart of the best person in both of our lives. You don't deserve to be forgiven by him."  
  
"I _know_ I don't. But, I love him, and I don't know if he loves me back still. Even if he hates me now, I still want to try and make it up to him. I was hoping you'd help me."  
  
James sighed. "If you want him to forgive you, you have to show him that you don't care about any of the things your friends made fun of him for. It means a lot to him, and the fact that you let people tear him apart like that kills him. You have to, and it isn't up for discussion, drop your fucking friends. They're dicks, and it's not just then either. It's all the time, I've met them."  
  
"That's true," Thomas muttered.  
  
"I can't believe I'm helping you with this."  
  
"Thank you, James."  
  
"I'm not finished. You have to try and make it up to him. Don't just say you will, and then don't. I love him, and if you hurt him again, I swear to god I'll kill you."  
  
"I understand. Thanks again, I can see why Alex loves you so much."  
  
James felt his face heat up. "I'm sorry, what?"  
  
"Oh, I thought you said, you said you loved him, I thought-" he stepped backwards out of the office. "I thought he, oh. Oh, nevermind then, I'm gonna go talk to Alex." He tripped on the floor on his way out, sprinting in the direction of Alex's office.  
  
What the fuck?  
  
Alex sat as his desk, staring up at the ceiling. He tried not to think about James, but the entire weekend played in his mind like a movie. James was so sweet, truly the best friend he could hope for, and he loved him too much for words. He wanted to tell him, to explain that he loved him just as much as Thomas, but he was sure James saw him as just a best friend. He would've said something by now, right?  
  
"Alex," Thomas panted, tripping on his own feet and falling face first on the floor. Good. Alex hoped he was dead.  
  
"What do you want, Thomas? You have ten seconds."  
  
"That's what James said," he groaned as he stood up.  
  
"You talked to James?" Alex screamed. Thomas looked like a mess, and Alex felt proud that he made him look so disarray.  
  
Thomas nodded, still heaving. "I knew you wouldn't talk to me. I sat outside your apartment all of Friday night after the party until Saturday afternoon, and you wouldn't answer any of my calls. I figured you went to James' but I don't know where he lives so I couldn't go there to find you."  
  
"Thomas-"  
  
"I'm sorry I let all of my friends say those things about you, and I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I'm especially sorry that I fucking laughed at one of them, and I'm surprised you didn't kill me the second you heard it. When I was running here I started typing a message to them on my phone telling them to never speak to me again, because they're not the kind of people I want in my life. Actually, you're the only person I really ever want to have in my life."  
  
"I-"  
  
"Hold on, I'm almost done. I would give up everything, my money, my job, my friends, my entire life, just to have you forgive me. Not even forgive me, just not hate me." He blinked and tears fell down his face.  
  
"Thomas, oh my god." Alex stood up and kissed his forehead, smiling at Thomas' hands resting on his waist.  
  
"So, you forgive me? Not even forgive just-"  
  
"I forgive you."  
  
"Thank you. I love you so much."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Thomas pulled away suddenly. "Also!" He yelled. "I was talking to James, and I totally get why you're in love with him! He's so cute Alex. He threatened to kill me, and I believed him. He also said that I have to _show_ you that I meant it when I say I'm going to make it up to you, which I plan to do. I'm still sorr-"  
  
"Do you know what you could do right now that would help me forgive you more?"  
  
Thomas' eyes darted across his face. "What? What? I promise I'll do anything. I would do anything for you."  
  
"Shut _up_ ," he said, pulling Thomas down to kiss him.  
  
Thomas wasn't perfect, and Alex was still angry, but they would get through it together. Thomas would try and make it up to him, and Alex would let him, and one day, he'd tell James about all of his feelings for him.  
  
One day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've hit 10k!! also I had no energy to edit this so take it at face value and forgive my faults
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


	7. Turquoise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> turquoise; compassionate, trusting, open, soft, _secrecy_

"Aren't you cold?" Thomas asked, fingers pausing on his keyboard. Alex laid upside down on the bed, hair falling out of his scrunchie spilling over the edge of the mattress. His arms were thrown over his head, making the soft periwinkle sweater he wore ride up and expose the soft skin of his stomach. His thick rimmed glasses that made him look like a librarian slipping up to his forehead. He was immaculate.  
  
"I was just fine underneath the covers, and then you started talking about James and I had to leave immediately."  
  
Thomas laughed, setting his laptop down next to him and moving so that he was lying next to him. He intertwined their fingers, kissing the back of his hand. Alex hummed.  
  
"If I remember correctly, you were the one looking at pictures of him on your phone and giggling about how cute he was," Thomas pointed out.  
  
"I do not giggle," Alex grumbled. Thomas kissed his temple.  
  
"You do, and it's adorable, but also not the point. You were giggling and then I brought up the," he hesitated, " _situation_ at hand, and then you started blushing and climbed on top of the comforter."  
  
"Because what you brought up isn't possible!"  
  
"Alex, he literally loves you more than anything."  
  
"Sure, he loves me as best friend, but not like in a boyfriend way," he said, turning so that was cuddled into Thomas' chest.  
  
"He loves you in like a husband way," Thomas told him.  
  
"Shut up!" Alex squeaked. Could he be any cuter?  
  
"I'm not kidding! He loves you so much, and he's lucky. Anyone would be lucky to love you, Alexander."  
  
"Well now you're just lying to me," he muttered.  
  
"I am _not_ ," Thomas insisted. "I love you, and I'm incredibly lucky for that. You make my world so much brighter just by being with me." He rolled them over with Alexander still lying on the bed, Thomas hovering over him. He kissed the corner of his jaw.  
  
"I love you too," Alex replied, giggled when Thomas kissed him.  
  
"Now that I've said that, about James joining us-"  
  
" _Th_ _omas!_ "  
  
Rain poured outside as James rushed around his apartment, trying to fix anything and everything that could be out of place in his apartment. The kitchen was cleaned, the living room reorganized, his bedroom was spotless despite the fact that it probably wasn't necessary. He was too scared to check Dolley's room, but he cleaned all of the bathrooms, even fixed the closet at the end of the hall. Why he was so anxious that Alex was bringing Thomas here, he didn't know, but it didn't really matter.  
  
"So Thomas and Alex are both coming here, to talk to you, for no reason? They just said they had to talk to you?" Angelica asked. She was leaning against the counter, drinking a glass of water and staring at him. She was wearing his shirt that Dolley stole years ago, but he didn't comment.  
  
"Yes," he answered, scooping the pile of books on the coffee table into his arms and setting them on the bookshelf in alphabetical order.  
  
"Good luck, James," she laughed, carrying two more glasses of water and a bag of James' favorite white cheddar popcorn back to Dolley's room. Dolley was so gonna pay him back for that. Dolley and Martha's off-key rendition of Summer Lovin' blared throughout the apartment, then stopped as the door closed shut.  
  
James sat on the couch for twenty minutes before Alex texted him and said they were here. He jumped, anxiety renewing as he went to open the door. This was probably about him loving Alex, he was stupid to be so obvious about it. Why couldn't he just have kept his feelings under wraps, instead of having them shine through like the sun whenever he so much as looked at him.  
  
Opening the door revealed an array of problems for James. First, Alex was standing in his doorway in jeans that made his heart skip, crimson and rose, wearing a sweater that looked like his own for once and his glasses that James loved. He was holding an entire stack of James' sweaters in his arms, which didn't put him at ease. Thomas stood behind him, posture almost painfully straight, hand on Alex's shoulders, trying to fight the smile breaking out across his face.  
  
"We wanted to talk to you," Alex told him, voice shaking. He gripped the sweaters in his hands as he walked past James into the apartment, refusing to make eye contact with him.  
  
"What is this about? Not that I mind either of you being here, it's just, you're acting kind of weird, and I'm concerned." He sat down on the couch, trying to relax, but not succeeding.  
  
Alex set the sweaters down on the coffee table, wiping his hands off on those jeans. Thomas watched him with careful eyes, checking for any sign of _something_ .He glanced back and James and grinned at him, and James found himself grinning back. He was Alexander's. Not his. He looked away.  
  
"Okay, so, hear us out on this," Alex started. "I have a speech prepared and it's going to make you nervous but it'll work out I promise."  
  
"Alright?"  
  
Alex took a deep breath, shaking his hands. "Okay, okay. When I first met you, it felt like the whole world suddenly flipped on its axis. One handshake and I thought it was gonna die. I didn't know that you would end up becoming my best friend, or that I would end up falling in love with you as hard as I did." He swallowed hard when he said it, now a cool cherry color, his cheeks and ears matching. James couldn't believe his ears.  
  
"Fuck, I love you _so much_ , James," he continued. "And that's terrifying to say even now, because even though Thomas insists you love me back, I still have that doubt in the back of my mind that he's wrong, because he's wrong a lot."  
  
"Hey!" Thomas said, but Alex ignored him.  
  
"Like, what if all of this was some huge misunderstanding and I'm standing here in your living room professing my love for you, _to you_ , in front of my boyfriend and the eyes of god, and you have to sit there and figure out a way to tell me that you don't love me back? Oh my god, I'm so stupid, I can't believe I'm doing this right now, how could I ris-"  
  
"Alex!" James interrupted, and Alex stopped babbling. Thomas looked at him and then back to Alex, fear etched into every muscle of his face.  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"I love you too," he breathed. It felt like a dam opened as he said it, the words that have been caught in his throat for months now finally spilling out. He never thought he'd have the courage to tell Alex. He always thought that he would watch as Alex moved on, replaced him, moved somewhere out of his life and never look at the man he left behind.  
  
James thought he would spend the rest of his life in love with Alex never having his feelings returned to him, and now that he knows Alex loves him back it feels nothing short of _euphoric_ .  
  
"Thomas likes you too, by the way," he whispered.  
  
"That's true," he agreed. James thought he was going to combust with how hot his face felt.  
  
"I'm okay with that. I've kind of been thinking about him for a while now, actually," he muttered, refusing to make eye contact with him.  
  
"Thinking about him how?" Alex asked, smug. He turned candy apple red, but crimson curiosity peeked out underneath.  
  
James hid his face in his hands. "We're not talking about it."  
  
Alex was in front of him now, pulling his hands away. He kissed his forehead, and James looked up at him, still shocked at how someone this beautiful could love him.  
  
"What if we _want_ to talk about it?"  
  
"Oh."  
  
Alex laughed and took his face in his hands. He still liked being taller, and James could feel how much he thrived on it as he kissed him. James made an embarrassing noise in his throat, kissing back with all the sincerity he could muster. Alex moved to sit on his leg without breaking the kiss and James held his waist. James noticed that his feet didn't touch the ground like this, which was one of the cutest things he's even seen, but it wasn't his main focus right now.  
  
They broke apart and James remembered that Thomas was still standing there, smile as wide as ocean on his face. James cleared his throat and Alex laughed again, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"I love you so much," Alex told him, kissing the corner of his jaw.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"We still have to talk about this," he reminded him, gesturing between the three of them.  
  
"We could go to my room," he offered. His voice dropped to a whisper. "I think Dolley, Angelica, and Martha have been listening."  
  
Alex scoffed. "Of course. I'm leading the way, though."  
  
"That's fine."  
  
Alex heaved James off of the couch, taking one of his hands. He grabbed Thomas with his other and kissed him, smiling against his lips. Thomas glanced at him over Alex's head once Alex got down off of his toes, offering him a soft smile. James saw now why Alex loved him so much.  
  
"Before we go upstairs, can I just do something quick?" James asked. Alex mumbled a yeah and let go of his hand.  
  
James walked in front of Thomas, heart racing, and swallowed. Thomas stared at him, glint in his eyes, smirk forming.  
  
James sighed. "Can I kiss you?"  
  
"Yes," Thomas replied almost immediately. Alex giggled under his breath and Thomas nudged him.  
  
Thomas tasted like chocolate, him stepping closer as James pulled him in by his waist. He heard Alex step backwards as Thomas' arms wrapped around his neck. Alex's camera shutter went off and they both jumped apart.  
  
"Alex!" Thomas squealed, turning red at the own pitch of his voice.  
  
"You're so cute," James whispered. Thomas turned back to him, eyebrows knit together, arms still around his neck. He kissed James again, Alex's camera went off.  
  
"I'm going to kill you," Thomas warned him, but Alex just wiggled his eyebrows and ran up the stairs. These are the people James agreed to date. He was so blessed.  
  
James went after Alex, not missing the sound of Dolley's door shutting again, and Thomas followed after him. Alex wasn't even hiding, just sitting on James' bed, running his hands over the silky blue fabric.  
  
"You changed the covers," he noted, voice hushed.  
  
"The other ones smelled like you. It hurt after awhile," he mumbled, looking away.  
  
"Aw, James." He knelt on the bed and kissed him, crimson again as he bit down on James' bottom lip. _Oh_ , that's what crimson meant. James tried not to think about it too much.  
  
"We haven't talked about this yet," James reminded him, and Alex groaned and flopped backwards on the bed.  
  
"Right."  
  
The rain stopped and night fell. Alex changed into shorts, lying across their legs while they kept talking. It felt nice to be with them, to know that he could love Alex without being afraid of him finding out, knowing that he has the opportunity to fall in love with Thomas and be happy with the two of them. He was excited, to be able to date the them both, he just hoped they were as excited to date him.  
  
"Are we good?" Alex asked. Thomas' hands were running along his calves, one meaning in his movements. James couldn't believe them.  
  
"We're good," James assured him. Alex moved so that he was now sitting completely in James' lap, crimson again.  
  
"Perfect," Alex said, kissing him.   
  
Later, when Alex was fast asleep and Thomas was close to joining him, James asked, "Why did Alex bring all of my sweaters back?"  
  
Thomas grinned against his pillow. "If you didn't return his feelings, he'd give the sweaters back so he didn't have to think about them. Now, because you did, I get to steal them," he explained. "There needed to be some here for me to steal."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I'm really excited to date you, y'know," Thomas told him. James leaned over to kiss his forehead, smiling when Thomas did.  
  
Thomas fell asleep seconds after that, and James sat for a moment in silence before his phone vibrated.  
  
**_dolley, a Goddess whom you Love_ ** _: WE HAVE TO MAKE BREAKFAST FOR SO MANY PEOPLE TOMORROW_  
  
James was laughing too hard to respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! iT HAPPENED
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


	8. Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lavender; romantic, sentimental, thoughtful, devotion, peace

**** For his entire life, James was always gray. He was neutral, cold, distant, never had many friendships that lasted longer than a year. He tried not to get too close to people, in fear of being replaced, for he was nothing special enough to hold on to. He grew comfortable with that, his dreary existence, and the fact that he will live in the upsetting shades his life was colored in.    
  
Then Alex stormed in, Thomas with him, and they carved red and pink spaces in his gray life and turned him into something different altogether.    
  
James wasn't gray after he met them, he was more lavender, bright and warm with enough love for them in his soul to fill oceans. His gray days come and go like the tide, but now he has them, and while they don't stop them, they ease the pain. The help slow down the impact so it doesn't feel so much like a bomb went off and more like a weight being slowly lifted down on his shoulders, and it's nothing they can't handle together.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Alex asked. It was then that James realized he was crying, as Alex wiped the tears off of his cheeks as they fell.    
  
"You turned me lavender," James whispered, voice cracking. Alex stood next to him still, confused, while Thomas climbed into bed next to him. He kneeled next to him, leaning his head on James' shoulder.    
  
Alex kissed his forehead. "I love you dearly, but what does that mean?"    
  
"Colors. Ever since I was a kid I saw people in different colors. Thomas is fuchsia, Angelica is the color of a flamingo, you're different shades of red. Dolley changes colors and Martha W. is dark purple and I was always gray. I was dull my entire life, and then you came and you changed me."    
  
Thomas sat up. "Is that a bad thing?"    
  
James shook his head. "No! No, it's a good thing. I always thought I'd be gray my entire life, and that nobody would ever care about me because I was so dull. You-" he sniffed. "You changed me into something brighter. I love you so much," he sobbed. Alex crawled into bed next to him, forcing Thomas and James to move over.    
  
"We love you too," Thomas told him, and James' heart flipped over in his chest.    
  
"I'm sorry. It really doesn't make sense, but I just, it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me."    
  
"Are you okay?" Alex was concerned bordering on worried. He was berry red, a pretty color until it was on Alexander. It meant he was scared, almost petrified, and James felt terrible.    
  
"I'm fine, just overwhelmed with how much more I've fallen in love since we got together." Both Thomas and Alex aww'd and kissed his cheeks, which made him feel better, and made Alex's berry red melt away just a little.    
  
"You're so cute. Do you want to talk about the colors thing? Or was that something you just mentioned that you didn't really want to go into detail about?" Alex questioned.    
  
"Uhm, no, it's like, everyone has a color that they radiate, like an aura, I guess? I see it whenever I look at someone. Like I said, Thomas is fuchsia, he's always fuchsia, but you change reds. You're the only person I know who changes shades."    
  
"Of course he is. It's Alex, afterall," Thomas remarked, grinning. Alex kissed him, hovering over Jame's chest , and he felt lucky all over again to be loved by two people so magnificent.    
  
"What color red am I right now?"    
  
"Rose. You're always rose when you're happy."    
  
Alex scrunched up his nose. So cute. "That's adorable. What other shades am I?"    
  
"Scarlet when you're upset or embarrassed, both literally and figuratively," he explained, laughed when Alex elbowed him. "Burgundy when you're sad, candy apple red when you're excited or about to do something really stupid, crimson when you want to have sex with us."    
  
Alex's eyebrows shot up on his forehead, a spike of crimson shooting through him. "Oh? How long did you know about that?"     
  
"Not until we got together and I finally, y'know," he cleared his throat, "figured it out."    
  
"I don't think I've ever been happier to be ordinary," Thomas told them. He was cuddled into James' side now, buried further underneath Alex's blankets.    
  
"Trust me, in every other circumstance, you are in no way ordinary," Alex said.   
  
"I'm okay with that. Not being ordinary gave me the opportunity to love, and be loved, by you."    
  
"You're being sappy today," James spoke, combing through Thomas' hair with his hands.    
  
Thomas shot up. "You were crying about how much you loved us not five minutes ago!" He scoffed.    
  
"That's different, not as cheesy as entertaining fate," James argued. Alex just watched with stars in his eyes, fondness in his features, and love radiating off of him. He loved them so much.   
  
"Fate is not something to make fun of, Jemmy," Thomas mocked. James knew it was a mistake to tell him about that nickname.    
  
James sunk further down on the bed so his and Thomas' face were level, Alex following and wrapping both of his own legs around one of his. arm slung over his torso.   
  
"Unless Alex is fate, then fate isn't the one who got us together."    
  
Alex kissed his bare chest. "Who ever said that I  _ wasn't _ fate, though?"    
  
"Right!" Thomas exclaimed.    
  
James reached over and turned out the light, bathing them in darkness. "I think we should go to bed."    
  
"Me too," Alex agreed, cuddling further into James, his stubble scratching against his skin. James liked it, but he knew Alex would get annoyed and shave it soon. He looked beautiful either way, though, so James didn't give it much thought as he kissed him.    
  
"Fine, but we're continuing this conversation tomorrow," Thomas grumbled.    
  
James hummed quietly. "What if I offer to make you breakfast?"    
  
Thomas leaned up and kissed him, smiling into it. James was so fucking whipped for the two of them it almost hurt him.    
  
"Well then, I guess we can forget the conversation all together."    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bad epilogue that I wrote in one hour for the Soul


End file.
